Slow Down Chica

I do not understand what "slow & steady wins the race" means, I operate at one speed, and that speed is burnout. There is no balance.  There is no pura vida (pure and simple balanced life).  I take that gas peddle, and I press it down all the way.  And to make matters worse, I'm always trying to overachieve AND please, which is a classic sign of insecurity.

Because...

Needing a reset and with holiday time to spare, my brother suggested I go and visit him in Costa Rica.  I agreed, but not before overthinking everything.  Can I? Can't I? Should I? Could I? What if? Is my passport even valid???

My brother knows this about me, so he took my credit card and booked my flight & hotel room (he also did this when I was overthinking my honeymoon) - essentially, pushing me off the cliff.  I'd be staying in a cute little villa in Santa Teresa beach for a week, plus he tacked on five days of surf lessons!  He was determined to have me surfing by day five. Nervous but excited, I went along with it.

I had so many firsts on this trip.  First time travelling alone.  First time writing daily to document a trip (I wrote letters everyday to my husband about my adventures instead of calling him).  First time flying in a tiny 8 seater plane (I used to be a terrible flyer, more about that later).  First time sharing a cab ride with a total stranger in another country with a driver that didn’t speak any english, and we didn't speak Spanish.  First time reading the book I’ve started so many times “The Alchemist“.  And, the first time surfing.

This trip was all about me.  There was no one to please (except myself - eeek), no one to check in with (except myself - eeek), no one to worry about (except myself - you get the picture). Only me to satisfy and get to know. In the end, this trip gave me confidence (or as I like to call, super powers) and my very own mantra "slow down chica" which I picked up on my fourth day of surf lessons.

My first day of surf lessons were encouraging.  I practiced in the morning for two hours at my usual speed.   The water was waist high, and I had a combination of athletism and beginners luck on my side, standing up on the board almost every try.  The following two days of lessons were hit and miss, I would either stand up on my surf board or be thrown off.  The real frustration and breakthrough came when I met Estevan - my fourth day surf instructor.  He's Costa Rican, and he sounds like Chong, from Cheech and Chong when he spoke.  

The first thing Estevan wanted to know was how many times I'd surfed before, "three days" I said proudly.  Then he said, "okay, let's see it".  Feeling extremely confident, I raced to the water to show him my skills, a perfect student (eager to please much?!).  Only I wasn't, according to Estavan.  I was doing it ALL wrong. “What the F” I said in my head having a mini temper tantrum, “this was what I’d been taught for three days - pop up and ride the wave”. Talk about a bitch slap to ones confidence level.

It was back to basics for me -  I had to do dry runs on the beach, practising form and timing! He kept saying “Chica, why are YOU in such a rush? You need to slow down". It took my autopilot brain a number of trys before I finally grasped the idea of slowing down.  And only then when I went through the dry-run movements on the beach at a painful pace did he let me back into the water to try and ride a wave.  

But as soon as I tried to ride a wave, my old speedy habits kicked in.  I just couldn't seem to slow down - adrenaline had the best of me.  When I saw a wave, I paddled like I was being chased by a killer shark (catastrophize much? Me too!), then I would pop up like I was doing warrior pose two - all firm and rigid and ready for business. I didn’t get it, it didn't matter how many times I stood up on my board, I was still goind it wrong.  Each time I tried, Estevan would say "you’re so strong, your movements are so aggressive and fast. You need to slow down. You need to feel your moment and let it take you for a ride”.    I grew frustrated, I just wanted him to show me instead of tell me how to do it, but there was nothing I could do except keep trying while losing energy (remember that I operate at pedal to the metal speeds). Fuck me!

Over and over again he kept saying, “Chica...stop THINKING, stop using your mind (while pointing at his head), you need to feel the power, you need to work on your timing.  Stop being SO strong and stop thinking SO hard” (he obviously knows nothing about me). “Slow down Chica” he said, and that’s when it dawned on me, this lesson wasn’t just for surfing, it was for life.  My life.

After many failed attempts and zero energy left, he had me lie on my board. He said calmly, “relax Chica, breathe, feel the water under your board and take YOUR moment when you are in control”.  So I looked over my shoulder to watch the wave coming in. I balanced my core. I crossed my ankles. I began to paddle slowly, and then when the water hit my feet and I felt the speed of the board pick up, I pushed my chest softly into cobra position, and only when I was in balanced did I stand up slowly and ride that wave.  I did it!  It felt so different. Peaceful. I was no longer being pushed by the wave, I was riding on top of it.  We were one.  And both myself and Estevan were impressed.  

Although I surfed the linup up on the fifth day (my brother's master plan) , I could not turn left or right.  Instead I would ride the wave into the shallow water, which meant, I had a long way to swim - swimming over and under big crashing waves. I'm posting this picture below to my vision board. I hope to revisit this post one day and report that I was able to ride sideways.